"Allatsea", on the road with Britain's most popular marine warranty surveyor.

One end in

Thick fog here at location A12, Fannit Farm. The snagged messenger miraculously cleared at one thirty this morning so the fog seemed to do some good.   Will be glad to get this cable done and dusted,it's all a bit too cramped and shabby on here. A transfer to the Polar Prince would be nice too. That vessel is positively a paradise  compared to the barge 101.   The messenger crisis out here is reaching new heights. The folks ashore don't seem to realise that the methodolgy used to install the messengers in the first place is in error. Using a small buoy to float the messenger from the bellmouth up to the surface, there's just too much for the buoy to snag on and the path it takes is open to the effects of tide and other variables. All very hit and miss.   Hey, doesn't that rhyme with #iss?

You never know

Messenger madness descended on this, ahem, fine vessel this morning. It was all getting a bit too much. Especially for one poor chap who was taken very ill. At one point he looked a bit of a gonner to some eyes. They zipped him ashore to Ramsgate, paramedic in attendance, and an ambulance collected him there and zoomed him along to A and E at Margate.   Some hours later, following rumours that the poor chap had had a stroke and other similar nasty things, we got word that it was but an ear infection that had effected his BP and balance and generally made him look a total loss. Good news, he may even be back out here and getting cheesed off with the silly messenger arrangments within a few days.   For the last two months at least, I've been putting off going for annual bloodtests and similar but that incident today was a salutory reminder that such action is foolish. Yesterday or whenever I remarked that I would go into ostrich mode, eg head in the sand and ignore all threats. That's just daft. Next week will see me at the Limes medical centre clutching my red green and yellow test sheet. Bring it on.   The weather out here tonight is just about as perfect as an offshore cable installer could wish for.  A great pity then, that, as I write, we sit here waiting for the bewly re-socketed tugger wire socket resin to reset. Just one tugger available!! Wonderful.

On the wun oh wun

Offshore, UR101, cramped, shabby, busy but OK. We were zooming along at first, in position, anchors down, weather cooperative, cable prepped ready to get going, when as is the case it seems all to often on this project, the pull-in messengers at the J Tubes are all to cock and causing delays.

Very frustrating.

This 2 day visit could end up being similar to the Polar Prince one, around 10 days instead. Eeek. Email and internet connection is very hit miss but that's not the end of the world either. Allatsea can just slip effortlessly into Ostrich mode.

101 where are you

There's a hint of mist to the north and the sea and the sky are almost the same colour. It's a bit dis-orientating but not threatening. For once. Why, because there's no wind.   No word from 101 so I'll assume she left Sheerness and is on the way. The AIS site I use isn't much help, showing absolutely nowt west of Westbrook (Margate). The postman's been but sadly no large wodges of dosh to be had so I won't br ringing the office and announcing an immediate retirement. Pity, my heart's not in it this morning. Allatsea has switched to idle wuss mode.   It feels good.

Toys pram out throw

Now old allatsea, grizzled, cynical but luvverlee at heart (honest your honour) does regard himself as a bit of an egalitarian these days. So it was with a bit of unexpected amusement that he had to listen to one of his colleagues getting very upset during a conference call earlier on because said colleague was told he may have to fly economy class between Blighty and SW Africa instead of Business.   Now it wasn't the fact that colleague minds travelling economy (needs must as they say) that had upset him, it was the fact that the client would allow certain grades to go Business and those grades included welding inspectors. Now I'm with him on the fact that welding inspectors are, in general,  one small step removed from cavemen but without the education or house training but heh ho, us Master Mariner types (even those with maths degrees) can be pretty horrid at times. I'm not referering to my goodself of course, well, not if behaviour of the last few years is taken into account. Thinking about it though, anything prior to 1986 is likely to include me in 'welding inspector land ' pdq.   Is that a fillet weld or a full pen?

Tomorrow is 101 day

A combination of wholesale ineptness with time management and a bit of a busy timetable has resulted in the old bloggywoggy getting a tadge neglected. tsk tsk

London today, Sheerness last thursday for a cable transfer between vessels which went swimmingly well after an initial hiccup (for a few seconds it looked decidedly catastrophe like but once the panic subsided it turned out to be 'acceptably kinked' rather than completely errrr....... phucked. A quick prayer to the patron saint of warranty surveyors for that one then.  Anyway, as you can imagine, it's the glamour that keeps us coming back for more

Friday at Ramsgate for a look see a tiny crewboat thingy and saturday at the Ramsgate arts festival, where the crowds numbered about 8. Yup, around 8 peeps. Pretty dismal turnout. Laughablythe organisers had but an acoustic folky band  on a stage about three spits away from a bloke who was sculting tree trunks with a petrol chain saw.

Guess who won the battle of the noise.

Tomorrow, wind, tide, management, weld inspectors and the law of sod allowing. The fine barge UR101 will arrive offshore Fannit. It's got 40 x 95mm² inter turbine cables to install. I, for indeed I am a sucker for glamour, will board  and take residence as MWS until the first of the 40 has been trenched into the chalky bottom and each end has been, as they say 'pulled in'. The thought of living in a portakabin with 40 or so other souls does not, it has to be said, make the pulse rush with pleasant anticipation.

My place or yours

I bumped into one of my MCI (Marine Casualty Investigation) muckers earlier today. He was grabbing a quick life giving puff on a sorry looking B & H and he appeared sad and worn round the edges. Not like him at all. When asked why he replied that he'd just come back from an awful trip to Togo where he'd been fleeced by the corrupt officials there, spent a night in cells and missed a flight home due to 'document irregularities'.

Poor sod and no mistake. To make matters worse, he was being sent out there again next week. Now not normally one to put the boot in, especially to a chap who I like and  empathise with, I couldn't help but see the cruel twist of fate, so chipped in with 'Well I'm off to Sheerness on Thursday'. He looked me straight in the eye and said that he thought he'd got the best deal. Thinking about it, he's probably right. Sheerness is in the same league as Middlesbrough with the added threat that it's much nearer to home.

Out off Fannit, the weather and the strong spring tides have been causing havoc with the building programe. Three boats there, two of them doing nowt but WOW (waiting on weather). The fourth one, on its way to Fannit, is making heavy weather of it too, last heard of making 1 knot into the conditions and wailing about being late. I'll say she is, by two days!!

Two's company and three's a crowd...

A quick look on the old AIS reveals three installation boats in the Fannit field, all, installing. Who'd a thought we'd finally get there? Starting next week, there'll be a fourth one too. The UR101 will join the party , installing inter array powerlines. Lucky old them.

Here in Farce Towers we're all reeling (well, maybe not reeling, completlely indifferent perhaps) at the news that as of January next year we'll get a namechange. Put the letters GL in front of it and Bob's your uncle it seems. Can't wait.

News from Oz is that Bro seems to be happy enough and very luch like his old self. Good news there. Thankfully. What a difference a year makes. Lesson learned, never, ever, take tomorrow for granted.

Weve had a new mariner join us today, welcome to the fray Ewan. As a welcome present he's getting sent off to Bergen next week to oversee the loadout of four large freefall lifeboat davits. They are 17 metres long and 5 metres wide and they're going to be loaded, athwartships, onto a coaster with a 10 metre wide hatchcover. If symmetry's you're game then this isn't for you. Hope it is for Ewan.

Green to red and red to green

Us old mariner types have a sure fire way of avoiding collisions on the high seas. We're constantly guided by the maxim (and a compass of course) Green to green and red to red, all is safe to go ahead!! It's simple and very effective.

However, if you the words mixed up a bit, for instance.......Green to red and red to green, all is safe so go between. Then, well, this could happen.

Court case anyone? Cheers.
 

News from the field

Being a marine warranty surveyor isn't all sitting at a desk in Tabernacle Street or feeding your face on Scandinavian cable vessels, some of the chaps have a ruff tuff and difficult time in far flung fields. Take the following email for example, received hot on on my lappytop just weeks ago.

Don't worry Ken, there'll be a cheque in the post....eventually.

"Hope this finds you well and i believe everything is okay with you.I had a trip to Philippines for a workshop/seminar. Unfortunately the seminar committees bus that was conveying us to the invitees hotel had a brake failure and collided with a produce supply vehicle and burst into flames,i escaped with minor 1st degree burns and in the ensuing inferno,i lost my travel documents and certificates of immeasurable value.By a stroke of luck,passing paramedics on their way to the scene of a robbery happened to see us and called for a back up vehicle to convey the survivors to the hospital and the dead to the mortuary.I would have put a call through to you but unfortunately my phone got lost in the incident aswell.
I'm gradually recuperating but as fast as my health is recuperating, so is my health bill accumulating. I even need to undergo a skin grafting operation but the funds are witholding me.I would need you to help me with about 2,550 pounds to help me in settling my hospital bills.I should expect to see you on my return and hope i resume fully hale and hearty.
  My hope on you as i pray this message gets to you as i am using the matron in charges PDA.
Regards,

Kenny McDuff"